Speak with Confidence : Build Your Self-confidence

Self-confidence is an attitude which allows us to have positive yet realistic views of ourselves and our situations. We are confident when trust our own abilities, have a general sense of control of our lives, and believe that, within reason, we shall be able to do what we wish, plan, and expect.

Having self-confidence does not mean that we believe that we shall be able to do everything today. Because we are realistic, even though our wishes and expectations are not met, we continue to be positive about ourselves.
Our confidence, or the lack of it, is more evident when we present ourselves in front of people. I believe that our lack of confidence is a greater hindrance towards self-expression and attainment of our goal than lack of education or skills.

The steps (or strategies) below may help us in building our self-confidence in public speaking. We may also consider these steps as the building blocks for greater confidence in any aspect of our life.

STEPS
1. Recognize Your Personal Worth. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, you applaud yourself for efforts rather than emphasizing end products. If we expect people to consider our efforts when we do something, we must require the same thing from ourselves. Think of your good qualities as a speaker–voice, diction, gestures, body movements, sincerity, humor, etc. Gaining self-confidence is like playing the game of basketball. Your score is counted not by number of attempts you missed, but by the number of attempts you made. Remember that when you are asked to speak, you will be sharing in you which other people don’t have. You will always have something to offer.

2. Take Risks. Approach speaking experiences as opportunities to learn rather than to show how good you are. Many speakers play safe and place themselves inside the box created for them by other people’s expectations. Some of them are like grade-conscious students who are more focused on the grades rather than the beautiful and practical lessons that they can learn from their subjects. It is okay to make mistakes when you are speaking. Great speakers also made a lot of mistakes. And they learned from them.

3. Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Tell yourself to “stop” and substitute more reasonable assumptions. Self-talk helps us look for more logic explanations to questions about our self-worth. For example, I know of some speakers who believe that they must please everyone in the audience every time they talk. It is possible to please everyone in the audience at one time, but not every time. This is therefore a perfectionist, unattainable goal. It is more realistic to accept that we have different kinds of audiences and therefore different way of perceiving things.

4. Self-Evaluate. When you see yourself as a friend, it will be easier for you to learn. Most of us see friends as another self. Someone who listens to our dreams and aspirations. Someone who praises us for the good things we do. Someone who censures us for the mistakes we commit. Evaluate yourself like a friend. Praise yourself for the commendable aspects of your presentation and find ways to further maximize it. Also, look into those aspects which are neglected in your presentation. See how you can improve them too.
5. Visualize your Success. One great difference between a confident and no-confident speaker is their ability to visualize success. Speakers who are not confident have self-defeating thought patterns. They “see” the worst scenario that will happen to them when they speak. The confident speakers on the other hand, being well-prepared and realistic, imagine the best possible presentation they can give. They imagine their meaningful gestures and facial expressions, the grace of their movements, and the color of their voices. They see themselves as success. They approach the stage, or wherever they are, with positive attitude.

TIPS
1. Assess your capabilities. Start with your physical, natural endowments. Exercise and expand those to work in your favor. You have emotional, mental, and spiritual strengths as well; some are natural talents and others have been developed by circumstances that you have lived.
2. In the acquisition of confidence you need at least a bit of success. You have to have some chutzpah to step out there in the first place to see if and how it works. You also need a bit of failure to overcome, to learn from, so you can go on to what does the work. Success is tied to setting goals. Set up the dynamic of a positive goal. Assess the reality of your current situation, take a look at the intermediate goals in between and achieve them.

WARNING: Arrogance is not self-confidence. When someone starts to believe that he is already too good, that is the very moment that he stops to learn.

WORKSHOP
1. Recognize your personal worth. Enumerate your strong points, as well as the occasions on which you’ve put them to good use.
a. In which areas do you possess special abilities? They may be professional abilities, or hobbies, sports, and others.

b. What tangible things have you accomplished (academic or professional success, educating your children, success in your marriage or personal life, in sports, and so on)?

c. On which occasions have you experienced the pleasure of success? Search through your memory, going back as far as you can – right to your childhood.

d. Do you remember a particular time in your life that you were able to fully express yourself? How did it feel?

e. What do people you know appreciate about you?

3. Take Risk.
a. What change you would like to see in your performance as a communicator?

b. How will you enact that change?

c. What is holding you back from enacting that change?

d. Look at what is holding you back. Is it really an obstacle or something that you could overcome if you would take the risk?

e. Would it not be worth to improve yourself now, or are you going to wait for some more time to change?

4. Using Self-Talk.
a. Write down your “failures” as a communicator. You may also include your personal, professional, and social failures if you think they contribute to your lack of self-confidence. Write your answer in column A.
b. Analyze each failure individually. Is it possible that
i. What you have considered to be YOUR failure was totally beyond your control, i.e, it had nothing to do with you?
ii.Or what you have considered to be a failure was not actually a failure, but simply dissatisfaction?
Write your answer in column B.

Column A Column B

5. Self-evaluate
a. When was the last time you talk with a friend? Delivered a speech? Or listened to someone? List down your strengths and weaknesses as a communicator.

b. What makes a good communicator? Make your own criteria and see how you fair with your own standards. Be ready to give recommendation for your own improvement.

6. Visualizing Success
a. Imagine yourself conversing with a person you admire most. Describe your conversation.

b. Imagine yourself delivering a wonderful speech. Describe it.

Jef Menguin facilitates people skills seminars and teambuilding and leadership workshops in Metro Manila, Philippines. Visit his website at http://jefmenguin.com to learn more about his seminars.

The 44th President of the United States of America

“Hello, Chicago.

“If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

“It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

“It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled, Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

“We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

“It’s the answer that led those who’ve been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

“It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America.

“A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain.

“Senator McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he’s fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

“I congratulate him; I congratulate Governor (Sarah) Palin for all that they’ve achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

“I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

“And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady Michelle Obama.

“Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the new White House.

“And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother’s watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

“To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you’ve given me. I am grateful to them.

“And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best – the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

“To my chief strategist David Axelrod who’s been a partner with me every step of the way. To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics, you made this happen and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

“But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

“I was never the likeliest candidate for this office.

“We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements.

“Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

“It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give 5 and 10 and 20 to the cause.

“It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy, who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

“It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organised and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

“This is your victory.

“And I know you didn’t do this just to win an election. And I know you didn’t do it for me.

“You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

“Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

“There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage or pay their doctors’ bills or save enough for their child’s college education.

“There’s new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

“The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

“I promise you, we as a people will get there.

“There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can’t solve every problem.

“But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it’s been done in America for 221 years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

“What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

“This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

“It can’t happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

“So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

“Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

“In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let’s resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

“Let’s remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

“Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

“As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

“And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

“And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

“To those – to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

“That’s the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we’ve already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

“This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

“She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the colour of her skin.

“And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

“At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

“When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

“When the bombs fell on our harbour and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

“She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that ‘We Shall Overcome’. Yes we can.

“A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

“And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

“Yes we can.

“America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

“This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

“This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

“Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.”

Setting Goals

I want to write about turning your New Year’s Resolution into Goals in my next blog entry. Most likely before the end of this year. I know how the simple listing of dreams work. Many of the 100 things I wished to happen in 2007 did happen. Some even beyond my expectations. I prayed to God for all of my dreams. And I set goals for the “doable” ones.

New Year’s Resolution is effective when it is a real resolution and not simply a wish list. Brian Tracy sent to me this morning something of value for all of us. I want to share it with you.

The Definition of Happiness

Happiness has been defined as, “The progressive achievement of a worthy ideal, or goal.” When you are working progressively, step-by-step toward something that is important to you, you generate within yourself a continuous feeling of success and achievement.

You feel more positive and motivated. You feel more in control of your own life. You feel happier and more fulfilled. You feel like a winner, and you soon develop the psychological momentum that enables you to overcome obstacles and plough through adversity as you move toward achieving the goals that are most important to you.

Determine Your Values

Personal strategic planning begins with your determining what it is you believe in and stand for-your values. Your values lie at the very core of everything you are as a human being. Your values are the unifying principles and core beliefs of your personality and your character. The virtues and qualities that you stand for are what constitute the person you have become from the beginning of your life to this moment.

Your values, virtues and inner beliefs are the axle around which the wheel of your life turns. All improvement in your life begins with you clarifying your true values and then committing yourself to live consistent with them.

Fuzzy or Clear?

Successful people are successful because they are very clear about their values. Unsuccessful people are fuzzy or unsure. Complete failures have no real values at all.

Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

Values clarification is the beginning exercise in building self-confidence, self-esteem and personal character. When you take the time to think through your fundamental values, and then commit yourself to living your life consistent with them, you feel a surge of mental strength and well-being. You feel stronger and more capable. You feel more centered in the universe and more competent of accomplishing the goals you set for yourself.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, decide for yourself what makes you truly happy and then organize your life around it. Write down your goals and make plans to achieve them.

Second, begin with your values by deciding what it is you stand for and believe in. Commit yourself to live consistent with your inner most convictions – and you’ll never make another mistake.

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Read related entries:

The Power of Personal Values

Speak with Confidence: Set Your Goals

Jef Menguin facilitates people skills seminars and teambuilding and leadership workshops in Metro Manila, Philippines. Visit his website at http://jefmenguin.com to learn more about his seminars.

Speaking with Confidence Workshop on November 26

You Can Speak With Confidence!

(one-day workshop)

09204323632
November 26,2008
Look for Jef

Makati City

2500 (early bird rate)

How often have you admired and envied those who speak before groups with such ease and confidence? Do you find yourself wishing that you had the talent to motivate, persuade, and hold the attention of a group?

You can have it. Confident speaking is not strictly for talented naturals or geniuses or loud people. Speaking is for everyone who has a message to impart; a purpose to fulfill, and an idea to sell. You will learn in this workshop the secrets to successful speaking and the many techniques and methods that will have you off the sidelines and standing up with ease and confidence!